it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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