You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
