Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
