sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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