and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
