i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
