One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
