i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
