I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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