So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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