There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
