Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
