Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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