Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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