Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
