Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
