I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
