Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
