maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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