Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
