i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
