You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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