How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
