Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
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