If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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