Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
