He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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