Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
