yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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