he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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