she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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