I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
