it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
