I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
