in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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