Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
