I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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