Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
