Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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