meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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