it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
