is your mom at the bar?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
