what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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