and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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