He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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