no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
