Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
