I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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