ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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