tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
