I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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