So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
