I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
