my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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