So drunk, too bad you don't want this
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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