What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
