Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
