Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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