I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
