Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Randomize
