drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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