Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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