You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
