I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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