but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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