You made me cry and you don't even care
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
