he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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