well I can't set my house on fire every night
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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