I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
