Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
